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I once was called prim like Maria Clara—then again, nobody
usually see me letting my freak flag fly and just being a general weirdo—and at
the time, I took it as a compliment. Looking back at my
just-want-to-be-ordinary phase, the statement didn’t initially register as
problematic to me nor did I think that categorizing it as a compliment was wrong. Was I
happy that they thought me “square” and that I seemed to conform to societal
expectations? Would I have been less of a person if I showed them my liberal,
random, and unprepossessingly boisterous attitude?
To this, I remember once again Tavi
Gevinson’s wise words: “Women are multifaceted. Not because women are crazy.
But because people are crazy, and women happen to be people.”
But in many, oh-many parts of the
world, women aren’t permitted to be more than what society expects us to be
since the beginning of time—simple, meek, virtuous, conservative, prim, and
proper. And while I want to yell “Who needs your permission anyway?” to
patriarchy’s ugly head, many voices are continuously shut down. Horrible news
after horrible news floods the Internet: from Tito Sotto’s victim-shaming
statement to a hacker facing a heavier sentence than the rapists he exposed,
and from women in South Sudan allowed to be raped by soldiers as payment to Qandeel
Baloch killed by her brother because she didn’t fit in the expected norms.
Many restrictions are placed upon
women (take for instance Tito Sotto’s sentiments on women taking shots and
wearing shorts while drinking) and it appears that those who break from that
mold aren’t always treated fairly. Model Qandeel Baloch, oftentimes called as
the Kim Kardashian of Pakistan, was confident, audacious, and she didn’t seem
to give two cents about what anyone thought of her. To protect his family’s
“honor,” her brother strangled her for bringing shame to the family by not
following traditions. This from the guy
who, as mentioned in an article on tribune.com.pk,
is a “drug addict.”
Benevolent sexism, as defined by everydayfeminism.com, is when we compliment
women who fit into traditional, stereotypical standards. We praise the Maria Claras
and shame individuals who live differently or march by the beat of their own
drums, as evident by the people who wanted Qandeel to die and joyed in her death.
You can see it even in dramas where the protagonist is saintly and dewy-eyed,
and the girl with red lipstick is the automatic antagonist.
It’s strange that we can’t take into
consideration that women aren’t made of a singular facet—but humans with wants,
needs, sides, and angles. That perchance we don’t want to follow orthodox rules
and be recognized only for the few attributes desired and dictated by men
centuries ago. They say that feminism is dead or should die, and that meninism
somehow holds importance. In a world where we condemn people for being who they
want to be and living how they want to live, it sure doesn’t seem like it.
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