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Source: skitterphoto.com. Image has been modified.
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Belinda Carlisle sang that heaven is
a place on earth, and I beg to differ. There are many hellish things to hate in
this world: events like that of the rape survivor who was jailed after a
breakdown, reportedly charged instead with sexual assault, and was beaten by
inmates during her imprisonment, or that Miami officer who allegedly shot an
African-American therapist “accidentally” and then said that he was aiming for
the autistic person as if that made it better. Or of evil people I watch in the
Crime and Investigation channel, who
psychologically torture, abduct, brutalize, and murder people for their sick,
twisted pleasure.
But to hate someone because of what
you and the media perceive them to be seems a bit too much, if you ask me (and
I know that you didn’t, but I digress). So
Jessy Mendiola’s statement “Talo ko pa si
Pia Wurtzbach, ‘di ba?” after being
named FHM's Sexiest Woman of 2016 blew out of proportion. I saw it on Facebook, didn’t care too much about it at first, kept scrolling, and
noticed a lot of peeved people. They were talking about how she got conceited
and that she should be more humble. There’s obviously red flags there that I
couldn’t help but sense, so I checked out the video and guess what I found?
Nothing completely mean-spirited about what she said at all.
To wipe the dirt off the glasses, imagine
a stranger you see walking down a street, calling on their phone, reading, or
merely existing in that moment. Who they are when they lounge around in their
apartment, if they even own an apartment, or when they take off their glasses
and hats is an utter mystery to you. You only know of that person based on how
you observed or perceived them to be in that specific time frame. Hence, unless
you’re a stalker, a fan, or a very easily agitated hater of Jessy Mendiola who
likes to breathe down her neck and research every miniscule detail about her,
one may assume you don’t know her background, what she’s thinking, or why she
does what she does.
The words “Talo ko pa si Pia Wurtzbach, ‘di
ba?” can mean a lot of things, and as Steven Hyde illustrates in That ‘70s Show, so can the word
“Whatever.” It’s ambiguous on its own, but interestingly enough, most articles
about her winning the award gave a particular focus on those words in the title.
Without the context or the background (aka if you didn’t watch the whole
video), her statement is open to interpretations. To me, she seems like she was
joking because it appeared that she couldn’t believe she beat a Miss Universe
winner for the award. But again, that is only my perception.
We
shouldn’t let haters hate
We
are all guilty of trying to find flaws in a person who is considerably perfect
or at least better at us in ways. We see it all the time when we look at
magazines with successful and physically attractive people on the cover. We
nitpick their appearance, call them too skinny for their own good, say that
their perfection is a farce, or comment that their quirks are fake.
Let’s
take again for instance Jessy Mendiola and the many people who, in response to
her remark, call her fat and whatnot or spout that Pia Wurtzbach is obviously
much prettier than her. It was as if calling her fat, which shouldn’t be an
insult in the first place, will break that confidence of hers and make her more
modest. This only goes to show “girl hate,” which is when women compete with
one another and/or tear down each other because of insecurity and jealousy.
And I know what you’re probably
thinking: but what if I’m not jealous with Jessy Mendiola? What makes you think
I’m competing with her for anything?
Internalized misogyny basically
shows that women can hold sexist thoughts, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that
we, women, support the patriarchy. Mainly, it’s when we involuntarily believe
sexist notions or stereotypes because that’s how we were taught, raised, or
what we’re exposed to—like when women should be confident but not bossy, prim
but not prude, should look pleasant but not sexy, seem innocent but not
unsophisticated, and act friendly but not flirty. We say that women can be
whoever they want to be but we shame those who don’t conform to these
stereotypes. Like in the previous article, we praise the Maria Clara and demean
the bold and the defiant, calling these women sluts and every other name in the
book.
When
Jessy Mendiola won the award, she was confident about being sexy because she
claimed that anyone could be sexy. She was proud and happy, as she should be,
but instead, we bash her for not being humble and meek about it, like society (and
we’re a part of it) teaches women to act. It also teaches us—as evident with Qandeel
Baloch and the many female celebrities we slut-shame and “hate”—what happens when
women step out of the box or act in a way that we don’t expect of them. Here’s
a secret: they’re not clichéd shoujo mangas, women aren’t supposed to be simple
and predictable.
Girl
hate is everywhere like liquid lipstick and a choker top; and it can be
directed towards anyone. It doesn’t even have to be someone famous or
audacious—it could be a pretty girl your idol or favorite actor is dating, that
girl on Instagram with clothes you wish you owned, or as mentioned before,
someone you deemed is better. Haters are gonna hate, but we shouldn’t. We have
to stop treating women like competitors as if we’re in a race, and stop
throwing darts at confident women happy in their own skin.
***
“There’s
been some girl-on-girl crime here … you
all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it OK
for guys to call you sluts and whores,” Tina Fey once said. It’s been more than
a decade since Mean Girls, but the
Burn book, which doesn’t have to be pink or a book, is real and you can even
see it in the toxic black hole that is the comment section. Believe it or not,
we talked or at the very least, thought like Regina George before; maybe it’s
time we start channeling our inner Ms. Norbury instead.
