One does not simply shake it off: Taking a peek at girl hate and internalized misogyny

Source: skitterphoto.com. Image has been modified.

            Belinda Carlisle sang that heaven is a place on earth, and I beg to differ. There are many hellish things to hate in this world: events like that of the rape survivor who was jailed after a breakdown, reportedly charged instead with sexual assault, and was beaten by inmates during her imprisonment, or that Miami officer who allegedly shot an African-American therapist “accidentally” and then said that he was aiming for the autistic person as if that made it better. Or of evil people I watch in the Crime and Investigation channel, who psychologically torture, abduct, brutalize, and murder people for their sick, twisted pleasure.

            But to hate someone because of what you and the media perceive them to be seems a bit too much, if you ask me (and I know that you didn’t, but I digress).  So Jessy Mendiola’s statement “Talo ko pa si Pia Wurtzbach, ‘di ba?” after being named FHM's Sexiest Woman of 2016 blew out of proportion. I saw it on Facebook, didn’t care too much about it at first, kept scrolling, and noticed a lot of peeved people. They were talking about how she got conceited and that she should be more humble. There’s obviously red flags there that I couldn’t help but sense, so I checked out the video and guess what I found? Nothing completely mean-spirited about what she said at all.

            To wipe the dirt off the glasses, imagine a stranger you see walking down a street, calling on their phone, reading, or merely existing in that moment. Who they are when they lounge around in their apartment, if they even own an apartment, or when they take off their glasses and hats is an utter mystery to you. You only know of that person based on how you observed or perceived them to be in that specific time frame. Hence, unless you’re a stalker, a fan, or a very easily agitated hater of Jessy Mendiola who likes to breathe down her neck and research every miniscule detail about her, one may assume you don’t know her background, what she’s thinking, or why she does what she does.

            The words “Talo ko pa si Pia Wurtzbach, ‘di ba?” can mean a lot of things, and as Steven Hyde illustrates in That ‘70s Show, so can the word “Whatever.” It’s ambiguous on its own, but interestingly enough, most articles about her winning the award gave a particular focus on those words in the title. Without the context or the background (aka if you didn’t watch the whole video), her statement is open to interpretations. To me, she seems like she was joking because it appeared that she couldn’t believe she beat a Miss Universe winner for the award. But again, that is only my perception.

We shouldn’t let haters hate

We are all guilty of trying to find flaws in a person who is considerably perfect or at least better at us in ways. We see it all the time when we look at magazines with successful and physically attractive people on the cover. We nitpick their appearance, call them too skinny for their own good, say that their perfection is a farce, or comment that their quirks are fake.

Let’s take again for instance Jessy Mendiola and the many people who, in response to her remark, call her fat and whatnot or spout that Pia Wurtzbach is obviously much prettier than her. It was as if calling her fat, which shouldn’t be an insult in the first place, will break that confidence of hers and make her more modest. This only goes to show “girl hate,” which is when women compete with one another and/or tear down each other because of insecurity and jealousy.

            And I know what you’re probably thinking: but what if I’m not jealous with Jessy Mendiola? What makes you think I’m competing with her for anything?

            Internalized misogyny basically shows that women can hold sexist thoughts, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that we, women, support the patriarchy. Mainly, it’s when we involuntarily believe sexist notions or stereotypes because that’s how we were taught, raised, or what we’re exposed to—like when women should be confident but not bossy, prim but not prude, should look pleasant but not sexy, seem innocent but not unsophisticated, and act friendly but not flirty. We say that women can be whoever they want to be but we shame those who don’t conform to these stereotypes. Like in the previous article, we praise the Maria Clara and demean the bold and the defiant, calling these women sluts and every other name in the book.  

When Jessy Mendiola won the award, she was confident about being sexy because she claimed that anyone could be sexy. She was proud and happy, as she should be, but instead, we bash her for not being humble and meek about it, like society (and we’re a part of it) teaches women to act. It also teaches us—as evident with Qandeel Baloch and the many female celebrities we slut-shame and “hate”—what happens when women step out of the box or act in a way that we don’t expect of them. Here’s a secret: they’re not clichéd shoujo mangas, women aren’t supposed to be simple and predictable.

Girl hate is everywhere like liquid lipstick and a choker top; and it can be directed towards anyone. It doesn’t even have to be someone famous or audacious—it could be a pretty girl your idol or favorite actor is dating, that girl on Instagram with clothes you wish you owned, or as mentioned before, someone you deemed is better. Haters are gonna hate, but we shouldn’t. We have to stop treating women like competitors as if we’re in a race, and stop throwing darts at confident women happy in their own skin.

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“There’s been some girl-on-girl crime here … you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores,” Tina Fey once said. It’s been more than a decade since Mean Girls, but the Burn book, which doesn’t have to be pink or a book, is real and you can even see it in the toxic black hole that is the comment section. Believe it or not, we talked or at the very least, thought like Regina George before; maybe it’s time we start channeling our inner Ms. Norbury instead.

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Call me Clueless

Call me Clueless by mcerisse featuring hand bags

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The silence of the lambs: A glimpse into benevolent sexism and the Maria Clara complex

 

Source: pexels. com. Image has been modified.

I once was called prim like Maria Clara—then again, nobody usually see me letting my freak flag fly and just being a general weirdo—and at the time, I took it as a compliment. Looking back at my just-want-to-be-ordinary phase, the statement didn’t initially register as problematic to me nor did I think that categorizing it as a compliment was wrong. Was I happy that they thought me “square” and that I seemed to conform to societal expectations? Would I have been less of a person if I showed them my liberal, random, and unprepossessingly boisterous attitude?

            To this, I remember once again Tavi Gevinson’s wise words: “Women are multifaceted. Not because women are crazy. But because people are crazy, and women happen to be people.”

            But in many, oh-many parts of the world, women aren’t permitted to be more than what society expects us to be since the beginning of time—simple, meek, virtuous, conservative, prim, and proper. And while I want to yell “Who needs your permission anyway?” to patriarchy’s ugly head, many voices are continuously shut down. Horrible news after horrible news floods the Internet: from Tito Sotto’s victim-shaming statement to a hacker facing a heavier sentence than the rapists he exposed, and from women in South Sudan allowed to be raped by soldiers as payment to Qandeel Baloch killed by her brother because she didn’t fit in the expected norms.

            Many restrictions are placed upon women (take for instance Tito Sotto’s sentiments on women taking shots and wearing shorts while drinking) and it appears that those who break from that mold aren’t always treated fairly. Model Qandeel Baloch, oftentimes called as the Kim Kardashian of Pakistan, was confident, audacious, and she didn’t seem to give two cents about what anyone thought of her. To protect his family’s “honor,” her brother strangled her for bringing shame to the family by not following traditions.  This from the guy who, as mentioned in an article on tribune.com.pk, is a “drug addict.”

            Benevolent sexism, as defined by everydayfeminism.com, is when we compliment women who fit into traditional, stereotypical standards. We praise the Maria Claras and shame individuals who live differently or march by the beat of their own drums, as evident by the people who wanted Qandeel to die and joyed in her death. You can see it even in dramas where the protagonist is saintly and dewy-eyed, and the girl with red lipstick is the automatic antagonist.

            It’s strange that we can’t take into consideration that women aren’t made of a singular facet—but humans with wants, needs, sides, and angles. That perchance we don’t want to follow orthodox rules and be recognized only for the few attributes desired and dictated by men centuries ago. They say that feminism is dead or should die, and that meninism somehow holds importance. In a world where we condemn people for being who they want to be and living how they want to live, it sure doesn’t seem like it.

Sources:

- http://tribune.com.pk/story/1143481/drugged-qandeel-strangling-death-brother/

-https://www.buzzfeed.com/imaansheikh/we-all-killed-qandeel?utm_term=.yeV99W9k7Q#.joDGGxGKeY

-http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/05/benevolent-sexism-assumptions/

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Review: U Prince Series- The Handsome Cowboy (2016) Episodes 1-4

Source: pexels.com. Image has been modified.

I’ve been watching a lot of J dramas lately, but then took a chance with this one Thai series, U Prince Series: The Handsome Cowboy. It exceeded my expectations at first; the cinematography, wardrobe, music, and setting was really good. The plot, which involved the main character (Phrik khing/Prikkang) who is in love with her childhood friend Sibtit only to meet him ten years later and discover that he’s become a player, was very interesting. I was definitely hooked, but that was before the story went downhill real quick.

            The first episode raised the bar high, but the succeeding episodes left me very disappointed with the characters, especially with the love interest Sibtit. But let’s delve deeper into that later. Be warned for there are spoilers ahead.

            The Good: Aside from the enviable uniforms, the drama series had a good story going for it: a campaign of male ambassadors from different departments in their college, which feels very nostalgic for me. And the series starts out with Sibtit, a so-called bad boy from the Department of Agriculture. The MC has a love-hate relationship with him, which I found amusing.

Unbeknownst to the MC’s father, she calls herself DJ PK and is a DJ by night. She spots Sibtit and he notices her too. She immediately knows that this guy is her childhood friend-slash-first love who she hasn’t seen for over a decade. He, on the other hand, player that he is, only sees her as a conquest. They talk and almost instantly, she realizes he doesn’t recall who she is. She doesn’t give him her real name and I find it odd that in the hi-tech world that we’re living in, he didn’t know her name for a long period of time. 

Soon enough, he discovers who she really is and in a twist of fate, she ends up working for his family’s farm. It was all very sweet and funny at first, as these two characters grow close. That was before he shows his true colors in the shade of “pervy,” “creepy,” “pushy,” and “douche-y.” 

            The Bad: There’s the slut-shaming. So Sibtit has a “girlfriend,” Pitta, with a focus on the quotation marks. Because it seems like to her, his friends, the MC, and even Sibtit at various occasions, Pitta is considered as his “girlfriend.” But Sibtit only acknowledges her as much when he wants to make the MC jealous.

            In the first episode, Prikkang and her friends are in the club when they spot Sibtit with his “girlfriend.” The MC’s friends comment that Pitta was kind-of “slutty.” Pitta doesn’t necessarily have background details, but considering that she only ever has eyes for Sibtit, I wonder why she would particularly be labeled slutty. I’m not going to analyze her red lipstick and red car as some kind of symbolism, but from what I’ve seen so far, she’s obviously head over heels for her “boyfriend.” That was a bit of red flag, but not as blatant as what was to come.

            Moments later, the MC happily dances with her friends when she sort-of stumbles and falls in the arms of Jacob Black *ehem* Key, Sibtit’s friend who likes the MC. Of course, Sibtit who was lounging with his “girlfriend” goes to interrupt the moment. He comments on how the MC’s clothes, which includes high-waist pants and a crop top, are revealing and that she wears them to provoke men. He even goes as far to say that she should mind her behavior. Excuse me, who’s the one who ditches his “girlfriend” and gets all hands-y with a girl who is not his girlfriend? Shouldn’t he mind his behavior? Boom, another red flag.

(Source: IMGUR.COM)

            Then, there’s the instance where Key invites the MC to take some pictures before she starts working in the farm. Prikkang agrees because he’s been very kind to her. But then, she was a bit late for breakfast and Pitta sees the picture Key posted of Prikkang and mentions that they’re having a “romantic moment.” The head chef furthers that Prikkang should have been there for work and not to hang out with some guy.

When Prikkang and Key arrive, they both explain that they took pictures for work. Sibtit then says that the work is just a cover and pointedly tells Prikkang that she looks “excited” whenever there’s a man with her. Insert a gif of me throwing a table. His mom then advises Prikkang to be careful, stating that it’s inappropriate to be “with a man alone in isolated places,” which was more than ironic considering her son was alone with the MC in more than one occasion. What’s even more vexing was that no one berated Key for anything. He tried to take the blame but all eyes were on Prikkang alone. I’m like, “What is this? 1953?”

Don’t even get me started on the kitchen staff. So Prikkang isn’t good in the kitchen, but no, the staff didn’t reprimand her on her cooking skills. They go on telling her that she “just has connections,” that she’s easy, and is only good at flirting with men. The slut shaming is real, and at this point, a gif of me throwing tables is just not going to cut it. Honestly, if I could sum my review-slash-rant, my only response is “WTF?!”

Besides these red flags, there’s another that really took the birthday cake. And that is the use of rape to move the plot forward. I’ve read a manga once where the MC is almost raped by her love interest’s brother, and let me tell you that I did not expect that because I thought it was shoujo. As soon as they achieved bringing the MC and her love interest together, they just swept the subject matter under the table like it was nothing. The same pretty much happened in this drama.

            Sibtit was becoming infuriating to watch. He gets jealous when his friend Key and Prikkang are together, but then keeps reassuring his friend that they are just like a brother and a sister and that he doesn’t think of her more than that. He even accuses Key that the last time that he and Prikkang were alone; they caused a rumor. That’s interesting considering that they didn’t cause a rumor. Sibtit, the kitchen staff, and everyone else just gossiped about them and made false assumptions. Then he goes on saying that he doesn’t want his “sister” bashed because of his friend’s actions (like going out to take pictures for work). But the only one doing the bashing is Sibtit himself.

So Sibtit gets a bit drunk, forces his way to Prikkang’s room, practically assaults her as she tries to get him off her, and he tells her to be obedient to him. See that? It’s not the Red Sea, it’s just an ocean of red flags being raised everywhere.

(Source: invaderdoctorsherlock21.tumblr.com)

He tries to rationalize and tells her that he’s been waiting for her for ten years and that he just couldn’t let her go. And I’m here like, “Well, don’t you think that she’s done the same? But you don’t see her attacking you in the middle of the night.” She says he has a girlfriend and he tells her that she’s the only one for him, which begs the questions: why didn’t he tell that to his friend Key and “girlfriend” Pitta? Why didn’t he set his friend straight from the beginning and stopped leading the other girl on, using her only to make Prikkang jealous?

So they swept the disturbing almost-rape scene and the moment suddenly becomes romantic and dramatic. The next day, he announces in front of everyone, “girlfriend” included, that he likes Prikkang. His “girlfriend” is obviously shocked and confronts him about it. He goes “How come you don’t understand?” to his girlfriend and I literally had to do a face-palm-head-bang combo.

Sibtit has absolutely no remorse towards this girl whatsoever. He strings her along whenever need be and then sets her aside when he doesn’t need her anymore. He proceeds to say that “nothing is going on between them.” Obviously, Pitta shuts down that BS before he rebuffs with the usual “you know that was just for fun” line that seems to be going so well for players like him.

Things became lighthearted after that, but that was the last straw for me. I don’t even have to watch the whole series to know that Prikkang and Sibtit are going to end up together. But I don’t think I can stick around to see the MC fall for the easily jealous, possessive, and controlling love interest of hers and continue knowing that this guy almost took advantage of her. According to the clip for the next episode, he continues his womanizing ways and I am just not down for that.         

The Final Verdict: The drama series was beaming with potential, but the red flags were just too many for me to ignore. The good news is that this is only the first entry in the Thai series. Here’s hoping the others won’t follow this first entry’s footsteps.

Rating: 6/10

            It started out great, but the “WTF?!” moments kept popping everywhere.

Update:

            I skimmed a bit off the later episodes just to see where the story was going, but the downward spiral continues. Sibtit acts like talking rudely to the “love” of his life, winning her over for a while, sexually assaulting her, and cheating on her with another girl is like washing his hair—something you have to repeat. This time, he even had the nerve to ask if they can get back together after trying to force himself on her a few minutes earlier. But of course, the MC will once again get in danger and Sibtit will somehow redeem himself when he saves her. Harassing someone is not cute or romantic, and to use it as a plot device is downright disgusting.

After watching two Rocky films for the first time (better late than never), I am completely enamored with Rocky and Adrian’s relationship, a relationship where they build each other up and support one another. They’re basically what Celine Dion’s song “Because You Loved Me” is all about; they are absolute #marriage goals. 

(Source: BELLECS.TUMBLR.COM)

How Sibtit treats Prikkang is the exact opposite of how Rocky treats Adrian—devoid of respect and common compassion. Rocky hates when people are rude to his love interest; meanwhile, as evident with the many BS Sibtit spouts to Prikkang, he has no problem being rude to her. I just shake my head in disappointment at this character and think, “Honestly, if Rocky can, why can’t you?”

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